There is a woman that works in the office by the name of Lynda, and for the life of me, I just can't figure her out. All day long she treats me like a King, giving me food, cleaning up my royal vomit, and petting me in all the right places (See prior blog entry for a detailed list of the “right places”).
Yet everyday, right around 4pm, she hunts me down, shoves a pill down my throat, and leaves! Whats the deal?!? I have tried to hide on a chair, on a window sill, in the middle of the floor, but to no avail (I am just now realizing that all my hiding spots are in plain sight. Note to self: get better hiding spots). I have even tried camping out next to someone who could defend me, like Nathan. But when she finds me, and she always does, he just sits there and watches as my mouth gets violated by two fingers and a pill. All he does is look at me with a face that says “I would stop it if I could, but I remain depressingly powerless.” One time I thought I saw him cry about it, but quickly discovered he was just listening to “Heat of the Moment” by Asia.
What is truly upsetting is that the next day Lynda is wonderful again. She is sweet and nice, and doesn't show any signs of sadism or feline abuse. Each day I begin to think “Maybe not today. Maybe today will be different. Maybe today I won't get my mouth defiled by medication.” And no sooner do I convince myself that this magical fantasy world could be real, she is hovering over me, and I realize my day is about to get oodles more crappy.
Lynda, if you are reading this, stop the cycle. You have the power to end this.
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