Cats With Four Ears and Why I Want to be One

I have just heard of two other cats named Yoda that have a noticeable web presence. Interestingly, both of these cats have two sets of ears. You heard me correctly, four ears for each cat.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1046684/Meet-Yoda-cat-FOUR-ears.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0-_-GouRs4

Now, it is important that I point out that I do not have four ears. I am just an old-fashioned two eared cat. However, this doesn’t mean that I don’t see and wish for the value that one can receive from additional hearing apparatus. The benefits include:

1. Double the hearing ability. Not only will this increase my ability to hunt and stalk the mice that do not exist in my office, but I can also hear the opening of a can of tuna from over 300 yards.
2. Wicked, cool new look. These four ear cats look like they have ears and wicked horns. I would love to look like I have wicked horns. Plus girls love interesting men. And horns. Wicked!
3. Double the scratching potential. It is no secret that I love getting scratched behind the ears (Note to reader: I love getting scratched behind the ears). With an extra pair of ears, the scratching potential increases 100%. Double your pleasure, double your fun, with extra sugar free ears.
4. I don’t have to use the litter box. I mean, yeah, I crapped on the floor. What are you going to do about it? I have four ears!

Things I Hear at River City and Have No Idea What They Mean

CSS
Html
Php
SEO
Front End
Template
Keywords
Mock ups
Dreamweaver
Pdf’s
Waking up
Gif’s
DNS
Trend Research
XML
Back End
Directory
AJAX
GA
Traffic
Proofs
Purple Tuesdays
Happy Hour
SMTP
SQL
Database
SGML
High res
SSL
ROI

and

Work

I Can Quit Any Time I Want!

Catnip, or “The Nip” as it is known on the streets, is a deep and secret love of mine (I realize that it is less secret now that I am blogging about it, and probably less deep). For some inexplicable reason, I can’t get enough of the stuff.

I really just love the aroma. The aroma and the overall sense of euphoria and general well being that follows quickly after, but mainly the aroma. The sweet, pungent, intoxicating aroma.

It’s not like I am addicted. I just find every activity more enjoyable and satisfying with a little “Nip”, and any activity without “Nip” seems droll, pointless, meaningless, and generally devoid of life or gratification. Still, it’s not like I need it.

Now, I have seen some cats who need it, and it’s not pretty. Out there, on the streets, rubbing up against anyone who might help them score a sniff, letting anyone pet them just to make it to their next whiff of “The Nip”. You ever seen a cat go into catnip withdrawal? They get the “Meows” and the “Shakes” at the same time; end up sounding like a broken bagpipe.

That life is not for me, thank you very much. I am quite happy here at River City. You can count me as a casual “Nip” user, and nothing more. Speaking of which, you wouldn’t happen to have any, because I am completely tapped.

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream. Ay, There’s the Rub

I consider myself a bit of a sleep connoisseur, in that I do it often, I enjoy it, and I do it often. And while I sleep, I of course, dream.

Yes, cats dream! You think after leading the exciting and enigmatic lives we do while awake, that we would simply settle for empty nothingness while we are unconscious?

“So, what do you dream about?” you query.

All sorts of things. Much like humans, cat’s dreams can be vivid or vague. They can ring out crystal clear in our conscious, and they can quickly retreat down the mouse hole of forgotten epiphanies. Some seem so real, I can taste the tuna on my lips when I wake up, and others are so surreal that I swear I must be human.

One time, I dreamed that my tail was a giant, living fish, and that it kept trying to drag me back into the water with it. Half way through the dream I wondered, “Am I a cat with a fish for a tail, or am I the mutated, cat shaped, suddenly self-aware tail of a fish?” Then I woke up and realized the irony in the fact that my favorite food exists in an environment that I was never intended to enter.

I had another dream where I was walking down a long, bright, warm corridor. On the floor of the corridor were all sorts of fun, interesting objects that begged to be rubbed up against. Protruding from the walls were long, human arms with soft, welcoming hands. As I navigated this corridor, the hands would reach out to scratch my ears, rub my shoulders, and get that spot right under my chin. I woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on a pile of cat-nip.

Once, I even dreamed I had claws on my front feet. Can you imagine? A cat with claws. Crazy.