How to Get Noticed

Many people come up to me and say “Yoda, you’re a cool and happening cat, how is it that you get noticed all the time?” (Actually, this is completely false. Most people come up to me and say “Look, a kitty!” but it doesn’t make the advice I am going to give any less accurate.)

There are several techniques a cat uses to get noticed. These are just a few.

1. Appear Pettable – If you want people to notice you, wear something that encourages touching. This can be anything from a felt or satin jacket, to a suit made entirely out of the plastic-popping-packaging stuff.
2. Make Repetitive Noise – When I really want attention, I meow… over and over again… at the same pitch… for a long period of time. You can do this to just by saying “Hey” or “Oooo” or “What?” repeatedly. Note: attention received may not be positive attention.
3. Rub Against a Persons Leg – I highly encourage this behavior. Humans have forgotten the joy and attention one receives from the simple act of the leg nuzzle. If you don’t believe me, then imagine this scenario. Picture someone you have always been attracted to, but who has never noticed you. Now picture yourself rubbing up against their legs when they least expect it. How do they respond? If your answer is anything other than “They immediately begin making out with me,” then you are not imagining hard enough.
4. Vomit in Front of Guests – This is easily one of the most enjoyable things that I do for attention. I love to wait for people to visit the office, settle down for a meeting, and then just yak all over the place. It’s as if everything important in the world stops so that I can hurl. If you aren’t sure this will work, just remember that babies do this all the time, and they get all sorts of attention.

An Itemized List of Things I Have Rubbed Up Against In the Office

Scratching Post

Support Columns

Corners (All of Them)

Chairs (All of Them)

The Weird Levers Under the Chairs

Human Legs (Most of Them)

Trash Can

Refrigerator

Mini-Refrigerator

My Doppelganger

Filing Cabinets

Desk Legs

The Stuff on the Desks You Don’t Want Me Rubbing Against

Computers

Laptops

Telephones

Plants

Door

Door Frame

Door Knob (Harder than you think)

Cups

Coffee Cups

Plates

Peoples Faces When They are On the Phone

Bags

Purses

European Carry Alls

My Sense of Greatness

Melia (She did not care for it)

Our Independence Day!

Don’t think for one moment that cats do not appreciate the significance and meaning of the 4^th of July. Freedom, Liberty, and Independence are perfectly understood by us, and we enjoy them greatly. The freedom to sleep anywhere at anytime, the liberty to vomit at will, and the independence to act like we are completely independent - we enjoy them all greatly. In fact, I would argue that cats take advantage of these rights much better than most humans. When was the last time you vomited, claimed you didn’t need help from anyone, and fell asleep anywhere you wanted?

No, Friday night doesn’t count!