New Site, and I Rock!

The new site is up! The new site is up! “What new site?” you say. The new River City Studio site, thats what! Ok, open your ears, unlock your mind, and get prepared for an explosion of pure excellence and reality shattering truth.

I, Yoda, a cat, have written the site. Oh, thats right, you heard me. And they said it couldn't be done. They said a cat wasn't capable of organizing its internal ideas into coherent and thought provoking copy. They said a cat couldn't grasp the complex inner working of a full service web and graphic design shop. They said a cat's paws couldn't appropriately navigate a keyboard. Well, I showed them! (Granted, I don't know who “they” are, but “they” are real and “they” can suck a hair ball.)

In fact, what I created was so mind blowing, so emotionally provocative, so utterly awesome, that the fine folks at River City Studio had to create a human version of the site, just so people could continue to enjoy it without having to stop at the end of every sentence to scream out “This cat is amazing! I am both informed about the wonderful River City Studio, and truly entertained at the same time!”

To be honest, I am not fully prepared for the inevitably approaching fame and fortune that is certain to be awaiting a cat that can navigate a keyboard, but I promise you that I will handle it in the same way I handle all things.

With mild engagement, followed by naps.

I am Yoda, and I don't go change'n.

Regarding Melia – Unrequited Love

I don't understand Melia, and chances are looking good that this fact will never change. We have known each other for many years, as she is my roommate and fellow cat at River City Studio. I have behaved towards her in a manner that could only be described as “Chillaxed”. However, for reasons that have yet to be made fully clear to me, she treats me, at best, as a major nuisance, and at worst, a mortal enemy not only worthy of destruction, but of constant mockery during the destruction process.

The Greek tragedy of this entire situation is that I have come to truly love Melia. Her silky gray fur, her bright jade green eyes, her almost obscenely long whiskers, have all become points of adoration for me. (Note: long whiskers on a female cat are much more desirable than on a female human, or so I am told.) Even her incessant, high pitched, nails-on-a-chalkboard meows ring within my ears like the lute of an angel. A sexy, cat angel.

Melia, if you are reading this, whatever I have done to upset you, I am sorry.

The Paradox that is Lynda

There is a woman that works in the office by the name of Lynda, and for the life of me, I just can't figure her out. All day long she treats me like a King, giving me food, cleaning up my royal vomit, and petting me in all the right places (See prior blog entry for a detailed list of the “right places”).

Yet everyday, right around 4pm, she hunts me down, shoves a pill down my throat, and leaves! Whats the deal?!? I have tried to hide on a chair, on a window sill, in the middle of the floor, but to no avail (I am just now realizing that all my hiding spots are in plain sight. Note to self: get better hiding spots). I have even tried camping out next to someone who could defend me, like Nathan. But when she finds me, and she always does, he just sits there and watches as my mouth gets violated by two fingers and a pill. All he does is look at me with a face that says “I would stop it if I could, but I remain depressingly powerless.” One time I thought I saw him cry about it, but quickly discovered he was just listening to “Heat of the Moment” by Asia.

What is truly upsetting is that the next day Lynda is wonderful again. She is sweet and nice, and doesn't show any signs of sadism or feline abuse. Each day I begin to think “Maybe not today. Maybe today will be different. Maybe today I won't get my mouth defiled by medication.” And no sooner do I convince myself that this magical fantasy world could be real, she is hovering over me, and I realize my day is about to get oodles more crappy.

Lynda, if you are reading this, stop the cycle. You have the power to end this.

Top Five Places I Like to be Scratched

Everyone likes to be scratched and petted, at least everyone I know. Here are my top five places that I like to be scratched and why.

1. Behind the ears.
I know, it is not original, but it works. Some people have found a way to scratch behind both ears at the same time, and let me tell you, you really can't have too much of a good thing. Let's see if I can put this in human terms. Imagine someone who can massage both your feet at the same time, while maintaining a high level of quality on each foot. Now, imagine they are hot. Now you understand.

2. Under my chin.
Only do this if you want me to purr. If you are not a fan of purring, well then, I don't know whats wrong with you. This has also been known to cause me to pass out, so please do not scratch under my chin while I am drinking, or partaking in any soup, bisque, or gazpacho, as it may cause me to drown.

3. My cheeks.
Before you ask, yes, the ones on my face. I spend a large portion of my day trying to find new things to rub my cheeks on. A bag, a new leg, a wall, a chair, the weird lever that sticks out from under the chair. All of them have fallen victim to my viscous cheek rubbing. The thing is, this can wear my cheeks and whiskers out, and a rubdown can really help me get back in the game. Well, its not really a game. I mean, there is no score, and no rules, but I am winning.

4. My forehead.
It holds my brain, and that is where I do most of my thinking (The rest of my thinking occurs in a currently undisclosed location). Sometimes my mind needs a break, due to the constant calculations. (Side note: the human mind becomes annoyed after 4.5 “meows”. It's Science.) Nothing helps relax the brain than a good forehead massage.

5. My belly.
I can't stress enough that this should not be forced. Wait for me to present my belly, by rolling on my back or sides. I will then look at you in a way that says "Well, what are you waiting for? It is not like you have something better to do." Trust me, you'll know it when you see it. This is when you may initiate the belly scratching, and no sooner!